I am pretty fucking pissed at myself.
Yup, pretty......fucking.....pissed.
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is why:
Yesterday I carpooled to work with a female friend of mine. We decided that we'd hang out after work, which was around 11pm. So we went out to get some beers and some grub. We've known each other for only two months and there has been no dating at all. Not even a sign of interest from either side. I do find her extremely attractive, however.
So we are out having a good time at a local pub, talking and learning a lot about each other.........and then it hits me. IT MOTHERFUCKING HITS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I was looking across the table, I said to myself, "This girl is pretty amazing. I would love to seriously date her." sigh........FUCK!
It was the weirdest fucking thing. I'm sitting there one second, just talking, then out of nowhere, I felt it. That part of you that slants just a little to make you CRAZY about someone. How did I allow this to happen? WHAT THE HELL?
There are two strikes against the situation though. I don't live by many rules, but there are three big ones that I promised myself I'd never do:
1) Never date a friend's ex.
2) Never date a friend's sister.
3) Never date a co-worker.
She falls under numbers 2 and 3. When I dropped her off, we both said what a great time we had together and that we need to get together again. We've never hugged before, so I waited to see if she'd offer (she did). It was a tight, long, nice hug. In fact, it was longer than the "thanks for the ride and the fun hang" type of hug. I haven't revealed anything yet, but I am really upset at myself. Her brother is not one of my really GOOD friends, but we hang out together quite a bit. So he IS a friend. And the fact that we work together (not all of the time) is enough to make me want to nip this in the bud. I've been trying not to think about it, but I am failing miserably.
Right when I drove off from her place, I was screaming "FUCK" all the way home because I know that feeling. I know that revolting, violating, piece of shit, yet wonderful feeling.
Soft gooey center, indeed.
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Hey I know...why don't you bitch about finding someone awesome and whine about rules while every other single person out there is still waiting to have that moment? Because that totally makes sense Kel. What a time to feel sorry for yourself, because the situation isn't cookie cutter or what you PLANNED on. Haven't you learned by now that life isn't planned? If you felt something stir in the gut and the heart, then maybe you should just say "fuck the rules" and see what happens. Or, you could just be a big pussy and whine about it some more.
ReplyDeleteCheers.
I say this of course, with your best interests at heart. :)
Yeah, I know. You are right. Actually, a friend of mine called me after reading this post and told me that I should just go with it and see what happens. I guess I am just nervous because I truly want to pursue a relationship with her, but I'm afraid of rejection. I didn't care about that with all of the other girls because they didn't mean anything to me.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is I didn't even think about SEX once while we were hanging out, yet I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
FUCKING CUPID!!!
:)
ReplyDeleteAlecia's right. Fuck the rules. They only apply to situations not involving soft gooey centers. Though I guess this might spell disaster for the future of this blog...
ReplyDeleteIf anything, this blog may morph into something else, but that is IF something were to happen. I will be posting my exploits no matter what happens (with respect to the other party, of course).
ReplyDeleteIf it doesn't work out, then there will be plenty more asstastic tales that will be told. I will be posting how things go with this girl I'm gaga for though, whether I fail or not.
SWEET BUDDY !!!!! I'm all for it too, and I echo what Alicia posted. It's spot on and I really like her blogs too so I totally think that if she says go for it and I say go for it, then buddy, please GO FOR IT! Fuck your man-made, happy-killing-rules. TWINGMAN76
ReplyDeleteTwingman76...I'll like you that much better if you spell my name right next time. Alecia... :)
ReplyDelete