The List

Way back in June, a friend told me about an elderly couple he knows. I am fuzzy on the details, but I believe they met later in life. They are very happy with each other and gave the following jewel to my friend:

Make a list of the your ideal person. Be as selfish and shallow as you want because this IS your ideal mate. This list will help focus your thoughts on what is important and what might not be important in your quest for the "one".

After my friend told me this, I decided to make my own list. Fast-forward to October and then it all came together for me. I don't think it was any kind of a voodoo thing, but it definitely helped me look for the hints of the items on MY list.

Just some food for thought.

PS: I'm sorry I haven't been writing much here, but there isn't much to write about. It seems that most of my friends have girlfriends right now (although there is one friend in particular, you know who you are, that I am dying to write stories about, but he hasn't had any adventures to tell!)

Merry Christmas!

Four Hours?!

From another friend:

"I was at my local bar, having drinks by myself, when a cute 40-something sat down next to me. I didn't say anything to her partly because I was just out relaxing, but also because random guys were coming up and trying to pick up on her. So as I was leaving, she asked if I had an extra cigarette she could have. We starting talking outside while smoking and then we made it over to her place. (didn't get the details on how exactly that happened) She said she didn't want to get physical, so I said that was cool and asked for a beer. After we both had only ONE beer, she was all over me. She was down for anything!! And I was "UP" for anything. Seriously, four fucking hours!!!! And I'm no spring chicken. (He's mid-thirties) Every time there was a break, it would just stay up!"

I just heard this story last night and I thought it was pretty impressive. He knew he didn't want to see her ever again, so I guess he didn't ask for a number or anything.

As a side note: I told him my current situation and he said he's jealous. Hehehe

2 in 1

This story comes from a good friend:

"I was at a local dive bar, just hanging out with some friends. I was sitting at the bar next to this girl who was cute, but extremely wasted. We didn't even say a word to each other and all of a sudden she starts kissing me!!! She was into it, BIG TIME! I thought to myself, 'This is too easy.' I also felt a little dirty that this girl was completely under the influence, so I stopped. The funny thing is I started talking to a different girl in the bar that same night. This girl was also attractive and fun, so I got her digits and went out within the next few days. We banged and then she got all psycho. She wouldn't stop calling, even after I told her that I didn't want to be involved with her anymore. I stopped answering her calls (which persisted for some time) until she stopped calling."

I like this story because it goes to show that when it rains, it pours. Too bad she went all nuts. More and more I am seeing that bars are not where you want to meet people to have a nice relationship with. They're good for a little fun though.

Quasi-Threesome

This story comes from a friend of mine who has been out on the town with me several times in the past.

"I was at a bar with a buddy of mine and he started talking to a girl who was sitting alone. I just was hanging back and relaxing because I was pretty tired. He gets things rolling, but she seems to be more into me, even though I'm not really contributing anything.

She invited both of us to go back to her place to hang out, which I didn't really think much of. One thing led to another and the three of us are in her bedroom and she's blowing me! I look over at my buddy and he's going down on her!!! Not even I would go down on a girl I just me in a bar! Anyhow, she finished me off and then I left the room. I found out later that my buddy couldn't get it up because he did a line of coke earlier!! WTF?! She also told him that she was more into me! Ouch!"

I remember many months ago when my friend told me this story. I couldn't believe it, but after some of my own exploits, nothing is too crazy. I personally would not get myself into a possible 1 girl + 2 guy threesome. I know it didn't fully manifest, but still. If my cock is out and another dude is in the room.......NO THANKS! I don't care how horny I am.

Patience

Sorry about the lack of updates everybody. Since I've decided not to talk about what's happening with my current situation (which is going fine, by the way), there hasn't been much to write about.

However, I have been speaking to a few of my single buddies, gathering stories and information to share with all of you. So, please be patient while I harvest some good entertainment for you.

Easy Decision

After talking to some friends, I have decided that I will make this tapestry blog of stories. It was a pretty easy decision. The last thing I would want is to be hurtful by writing about the intimate goings-on with the possible long-term relationship with this girl.

Thanks Alecia for your comment. It is exactly what a friend of mine said as well. (And yes, that Anonymous writer is a big pussy.....hehe)

Don't be sad, readers. There will be plenty of updates about my friends' exploits with my commentary on how they could have done something different or me giving a thumbs up. It'll be good, don't worry.

I was looking back on some of these posts and I have to admit, the change in me is pretty apparent. When this whole thing started, I wanted no relationships at all. I just was going from girl to girl, hoping to get more in the near future. Then the posts started to change. I was starting to complain about how lame that kind of life actually is. Some people like it, but the "gooey-centered-types" can't maintain it very long. However, this has opened my eyes on what kinds of girls are out there and what is it that I am actually looking for in this crazy life. Also, as Alecia pointed out in a comment, life rarely goes the way we expect it to.

All I have to say is that I haven't felt this way about a girl in a LONG time. Even my last few REAL relationships never had me feeling this way. I am very excited for the future.


Thanks again!!

Good Things...

First off, thanks to everyone for your "fuck the rules" mantra. I have to say that it definitely was the correct choice.

As promised, I went pumpkin carving with this girl I'm head over heels for. It was a REALLY good time. We went to grab some food before shopping for pumpkins at the local pumpkin patch. It was a little weird for me because I wasn't sure if this was a date or if it was just two friends hanging out, so I kept it cool and just treated it as the latter. Anyhow, we had a blast at my place, carving those bastards up and having some drinks.

After the carving festivities were done, we were hanging out in my room and things were extremely comfortable. Actually, the whole night was really comfortable. I decided that she wouldn't still be at my place at 1am if she wasn't interested, so I went in for a kiss and 3 1/2 hours later, we fell asleep. Nothing major happened, just "second base" stuff. I want to take things nice and easy because I genuinely feel something special with this one. That "intangible" that has been missing from all of the other relationships seems to be here with this great girl. I told her about how I felt the exact moment of seriously liking her when we were out last weekend at the pub/restaurant and she loved that. I can't say enough about how great this girl is. I did show off a little by displaying my great memory of little things we had talked about the last time we had hung out. She was very impressed. Hehe. We are getting together on Friday for another great time.

So, what do I do with this blog? Well, I can do a couple of things, so please let me know what you think.

I can make it an "experience" type of blog that chronicles the things that are going on in this relationship (if it continues). Or I can start writing the stories of my bachelor friends and make this more of a tapestry of "ass tapper" adventures. Believe me, there are a bunch that a few of my buddies would love to tell on here. I, of course, would still be the writer.

How do these ideas sound? Maybe a combination of the two? Or something else? Speak up!

Working it..........slowly

I'm sure many of you have been wondering what I've decided to do about this "crush" I have. Well, I decided to see what happens if I go for it. On Tuesday, I asked her to go out for a fun hang and play some games at a local bar, but she said she'll have to take a rain check. I figured, ok, that's alright. I'll throw out another offer and see what happens. So today I called and left a message, but she was working. She texted back and we had a lengthy "conversation" about different things, but I threw out the idea of maybe doing some pumpkin carving together. I can hear some of you laughing as I write this, but it is a perfect date situation. You go to a pumpkin patch, goof around, pick your pumpkins and then BAM....you're having a nice intimate evening of cutting the shit out of a a giant squash! She loved the idea, so we're going to do that next week. We're way excited about it. We'll see what happens.

On a different note, I have started talking to just random girls that AREN'T in the bar scene again. Today, one girl was working at a nearby mall and I noticed her glasses (I love girls with glasses....so fucking sexy!!!). Anyway, I went in and she asked if I needed help and I replied, "Actually, I just wanted to compliment you on your glasses. They look great on you." We talked a little, but I didn't ask for her number. I'll go in again and do a follow-up and see what's happening. If I go in remembering her name and stuff, it'll be points for me and then I'll ask her.

There was another girl today as well. I know, I'm busy. She was taking donations for some child rescue thing. I thought she was really cute, so I asked what this was and I listened to what she had to say. I felt generous, so I donated a couple bucks and talked to her some more. I asked her where she was from and how she got involved in this group...blah, blah, blah. I didn't ask for her number either, but I do have a number I can reach her at because I got a tax write-off receipt for donating. I think I'll drop her a call and just say how I thought she had a great personality/attitude (which she did) and then ask her out.

We'll see.

Uh-Oh

I am pretty fucking pissed at myself.

Yup, pretty......fucking.....pissed.


GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is why:

Yesterday I carpooled to work with a female friend of mine. We decided that we'd hang out after work, which was around 11pm. So we went out to get some beers and some grub. We've known each other for only two months and there has been no dating at all. Not even a sign of interest from either side. I do find her extremely attractive, however.

So we are out having a good time at a local pub, talking and learning a lot about each other.........and then it hits me. IT MOTHERFUCKING HITS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I was looking across the table, I said to myself, "This girl is pretty amazing. I would love to seriously date her." sigh........FUCK!

It was the weirdest fucking thing. I'm sitting there one second, just talking, then out of nowhere, I felt it. That part of you that slants just a little to make you CRAZY about someone. How did I allow this to happen? WHAT THE HELL?

There are two strikes against the situation though. I don't live by many rules, but there are three big ones that I promised myself I'd never do:

1) Never date a friend's ex.

2) Never date a friend's sister.

3) Never date a co-worker.

She falls under numbers 2 and 3. When I dropped her off, we both said what a great time we had together and that we need to get together again. We've never hugged before, so I waited to see if she'd offer (she did). It was a tight, long, nice hug. In fact, it was longer than the "thanks for the ride and the fun hang" type of hug. I haven't revealed anything yet, but I am really upset at myself. Her brother is not one of my really GOOD friends, but we hang out together quite a bit. So he IS a friend. And the fact that we work together (not all of the time) is enough to make me want to nip this in the bud. I've been trying not to think about it, but I am failing miserably.

Right when I drove off from her place, I was screaming "FUCK" all the way home because I know that feeling. I know that revolting, violating, piece of shit, yet wonderful feeling.


Soft gooey center, indeed.

WTF?!

I was at a restaurant/bar in Hollywood last night where there were some extremely attractive women. I wasn't hunting per se, but I always have the antenna up none the less. I did notice, however, that these women were each with a certain "type" of guy. I am not sure if metro-sexual is the right term, but these guys definitely had a "feminine" slant to their look and their clothing. (I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a knitted scarf!!!!)

I also noticed this at a coffee place close to Hollywood a few weeks ago. I chalk it up to the area having all of these wannabe models/actors and such, but seriously....WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!

I am just going to keep being ME and ignore all of this "trendy/posh" BS.

To Dive, or Not to Dive

In my quest to find more "down to earth" people in this town, I'm finding myself going to some of the local dive bars. I have to admit, I love dive bars for a number of reasons:

1) Cheap drinks!!! Maker's Mark on the rocks is only $4-$5 at one of these baby's; versus the $9 you would blow on the same drink at a "trendy" bar.

2) People just being people. No need to flash it up when you are at one of these places. The people are real and generally quite friendly.

3) Real bartenders!!! These places have old-school bartenders who know what a RUSTY NAIL is! This is way better than the 21 year-old "hottie" bartender who has never heard of DRAMBUIE!!

Now aside from my love affair with these places, it raises the question: "Can you find a decent girl in a place like that?"

Yes and no. There are plenty of girls who want a cheap drink and to be able to go somewhere without worrying about getting all dolled-up. I will say, however, that most of the time the women in these places are not my style. They are very friendly and fun to talk to, but tend to be a bit long-in-the-tooth or haggered....take your pick. My friends and I have traded stories of hooking up with girls in dive bars before, but never have we found someone that we would consider girlfriend material.

Nevertheless, I have a couple dive bars in my arsenal now to augment my other hang-out choices. If anything, at least the drinks are cheap!

The "Out of the Blue"

When I started this new way of dating back in May, there was this one girl that I went out with a handful of times. We had a great time together and I explained to her that I don't want anything serious. She said she was cool with that, so things were fine. However, after about a week of some nice making out (it never got past first base), she became one of the "drop-offs" that I have mentioned.

Then yesterday, out of the blue, she texts me, saying that she was reminded of me and wanted to see what I was up to. I explained that I moved and she wants to come up and visit. It should be fun and I'll keep you all posted on what comes of it.

The Former Co-Worker

I just got off the phone with the former co-worker I have been going out with this past month. Unfortunately, I had to end it. You may recall that I was saying how we have fun together and get along great, but the spark just isn't there for me. So I called her and explained the situation. She was a bit sad, but understood. She also was glad that I told her now without dragging it out.

I have to admit, I feel pretty bad about it. I really had a good time with her. I kept giving it chances, but I found myself not even thinking about her when we weren't together. In fact, the most I have thought about her was these last 2 days, while I was thinking of how I would tell her all of this. That is a sure sign that I am just not feelin' it.

Oh well, onward and upward.

She has been mentioned in a few of these posts, but it has run its course. Interestingly, this is one of two girls in the last 6 months where I was the one ending things. Most of the girls just disappear or "drop-off".

Sigh....thus ends the tale of the former co-worker.

Games

I was out last night with my friend and we were hanging out in a pretty good beer/wine bar. After we were there for a while, I noticed that there was a group of three girls standing right by us. Now these girls seemed fun and they were attractive, but here is where their attitudes made them NOT fun and NOT attractive.

A fairly good-looking guy was sitting by them and they were totally flirting with him. The usual stuff girls do to flirt is touching, giggling, leaning in close....whatever. But here is the kicker: the guy was there with a date who seemed weirded out by these girls flirting with her man!

So, here is what I concluded from the situation. These girls, although nothing special, felt the need to flirt with this girl's man just to show they can take attention away from her and put it on themselves. Attention is the life-force for females. They need it to survive. They will do anything to get it and will always want more. This trio of girls actually made me think less of them for what they were doing. It was really disgusting. The guy was some jock-looking guy who probably didn't have much behind the eyeballs, so he was clueless while his girl was getting pissed.

One little nugget that involved me was when she got up to use the restroom, I asked her why those girls are all over her dude. She pressed up against me, grabbed my ass and said, "That just means I can rub up on who I want." Then she gave me a high-five and off she went. Hmmm, strange, strange stuff. At least I had a hot girl "molest" me.

As a side note, there was another little thing that occurred that is worth mentioning here.

One of the three girls seemed less high-maintenance and fairly approachable, so I asked her a random question and she seemed open to talk to us. However, while my friend and I were talking to her, I began to notice that she kept scooting back half a step every so often. I kept having to lean forward to hear what she was saying before I realized what she was doing. The funny thing was that we weren't being creeps or anything like that, we were just talking. I don't know if she had some weird incidents with guys in the past, but she should have felt relieved that two good-looking, smart and non-threatening dudes were just shooting the shit with her. Oh well. It made me wonder if it was because we don't have the jock-look like the dude they were hitting on did.

No matter, onward.

Come one, come all!

At the request of a friend, I have enabled anonymous comment posting. Sorry it took so long, but I am a little new to this blogging stuff. So don't feel the need to hide anymore. Let's hear those comments!!!!!!!

Confusion

I have noticed, in my nightly "hunts", that there are a large amount of girls who go out with their girlfriends and get all glammed up, but want nothing to do with anyone who tries to start a decent conversation with them!!

I am very confused by this. As you know, I live in a new area now and what I have been able to discern from the few weeks that I have lived is this:


There are more BITCHES here than where I used to live!!!!!


Now, I mean that in the most non-demeaning way I can. The fact is that most of the girls I have encountered the last few weeks have been very short, venomous (yes, venomous!!!) and standoffish. Why would a girl get all done up and go out to a place where PEOPLE MEET if she wants nothing to do with anyone who will inevitably try to talk to her. I understand the whole "I'm hanging with my friends....girls night out" stuff, BUT COME ON!!!

I have run into this where I used to live, but it seemed to happen less.

My only conclusion on the matter is that I KNEW the spots that were more chill in my previous locale. I just need to find places like that here. I'm just tapping the wrong resources right now. No matter, tomorrow's a new day.

Funny because it's true

One of my favorite shows of all time is SEINFELD. Here is a funny clip that resonates pretty well with me.

Enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysw3QZIBzMo&feature=related

One at a time?!

A few of my friends (guys) have pointed out to me that the way I am dating is NOT the norm. I have to agree. Usually, a person would date one person at a time until things run their course, then move on. Although I have nothing against this "normal" type of dating, there seems to be pros and cons for both dating techniques.

Dating one person at a time:

Pros:
1) Only one person in your life (intimacy)
2) A feeling of "being centered"
3) Focus of intent and outcome

Cons:
1) Only one person in your life. (yes, this could be considered a CON)
2) Might become serious sooner than you may want.
3) No backup plan
4) Attachment


Dating multiple people:

Pros:
1) Options on who to see and when
2) Less attachment if things don't work out
3) Variety

Cons:
1) Lack of intimacy ("just body parts rubbing together")
2) Unending feeling of urgency (I need more numbers)


Well, that is my point of view on it. I know that the multiple dating thing is not for everyone, but it serves its purpose until that "ONE" comes along. As stated in the last post, I'm only seeing one person at the moment. Unfortunately, I don't see it going anywhere serious. We have fun together, but that's about it. I'm going to have "the talk" with her about my thoughts on us dating because I think she is more into it than I am. I'll let you know how that goes.

Slump

As you may have guessed by the lack of entries, there is a bit of a slump happening. I'm only going out with one girl at the moment, but it seems that I haven't been able to close the number deal with the girls I talk to when I'm out. It hasn't really gotten to the point where I feel they're interested enough to warrant asking for their number. I've been able to do conversations, for the most part (some girls are just bitches), but I don't feel a reciprocation of interest on their part. To be honest, my mind has been elsewhere. I've been busy with the new place and also with trying to get some professional stuff moving ahead.

So, it is just a short period to get through. I also feel a little awkward when I go out solo still...out of my element without the wingman. Oh well. Things'll pick up; not just with the women, but with every other aspect of life for me.......I hope.

First times

Well, the other night I slept with a new girl I'm seeing. And I have to say that in the past, the "first time" with someone always seemed scary and nerve-racking. However, I now find it fun and not awkward, as some people may feel.

This girl is a former co-worker of mine. We recently hung out and decided that we have fun together, so let's go out and hang sometime. We had a couple of low-stress dates that were quite relaxing. When it came time to do "the deed", I felt very comfortable and took my time with every little thing. This doesn't mean that I used to rush everything (I am a huge proponent of foreplay!!). Though, it does seem, sometimes, that the first time is just straight to the main attraction. I hate that!!!!

Anyhow, we both enjoyed each other and had a great time!!

Annoyances!

Being out to a few different types of places can sometimes open your eyes to those little things that annoy the FUCK out of you!!!

I am annoyed by the girls who go out with their friends and are bitchy to anyone who just says hi or asks them a question. For example, I was out one night, sitting at a bar, when a girl came up and ordered a drink with Red Bull or some shit in it. I ask her, "What drink has Red Bull in it?" and she gave a very short "It has vodka too" response. Fine, no sweat off my balls, but why be out at a place that has tons of people in it, when you are going to be all cunty to any "stranger" who says something to you. That is only one annoyance.

Another is the idiot college guys who are too loud and dopey. Case in point: Another time I was out, this douchebag, who reminded me of Spiccoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, was all loud and bumbling around like a fool. IDIOT!!!

One last one is the girls who act all shy when you talk to her. My friend and I met this group of girls in a bar, we danced a little, and then when I started talking to the one that I was into, she acts all shy and shit!!! What a shitload of fuck!!! Is this not the same girl who we were dancing with five minutes ago???!!!

THese annoyance are out of my control and I have learned to just roll with them, but they still suck when I come across them. These will always be present, but don't let them distract you.

Hit & Miss

I wish I could tell you that every time I go out on the town, I get a number. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Take last night for example. I am living in a new area now and I am feeling a little out of my element. Not really, but things are different enough to cause a slight disruption. That coupled with the fact that I don't have a wingman to go out with. Enough with excuses already!!

Okay, so I go out last night and just walked in and out of a few bars along a strip until I found one to my liking. I parked myself at the bar, ordered a drink and enjoyed the atmosphere. (by the way, I was flying solo) The good thing about sitting at the bar is that everyone who wants a drink has to go to the bar to get it, so all kinds of people will be next to you at one time or another. Nothing came of it though. I had a few nice interactions, but everyone seemed to be there for other reasons like birthdays, going-away parties, etc. This is a tough thing when you're out looking to meet someone because even if you are, they aren't. However, everyone is friendly and enjoyed the chit-chat that resulted, but I could tell that there was no interest on their part. No problem, it happens.

The important thing is to practice starting a conversation with strangers, men and women. This will get you into a simple routine of saying hi and going with the flow. Some people aren't receptive, but the majority are. When it comes down to it, everyone just wants to have a good time (unless they are assholes).

So, my first night out in a new city was fun, but only warranted some good practice. Let's see what the tide brings in next.

First Dates

First dates can be nerve racking for both men and women, but it doesn't have to be. When I started this new dating lifestyle, I was so caught up with what I should do on a first date that it became a distraction from the girl I would be going out with. So, here are some successes that I have had with my first dates:

1) Go down to the beach at night and walk around a little, maybe have a drink or two, and walk on the sand. I have done this a few times and it is a nice relaxed date with plenty of conversation.

2) Go to an event like a ballgame or street fair. This would depend if the girl is into that specific sport, but the street fair is pretty easy to do as well. There are a lot of activities going on just in case conversation might be awkward. By the way, if things are awkward, it probably won't move past that first date anyway.

3) If she is really comfortable, have a nice night in. Wine with some dessert or snacks and a movie at home can also be a good one too.

These are three examples of successful first dates that I have had recently. There is one thing to note here. My friends ask me how I don't blow a lot of money with all of the dating I do. Well, it's simple. With the exception of the ballgame, things can be very affordable. Now I am no cheapskate, but my philosophy is that you don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time. In fact, spending too much will seem like you're trying too hard.

Anytime, Anywhere

A lot of my friends ask how I meet the girls I date. Well, there is no one answer to that question. It can happen anytime, anywhere. Here are a few examples:

1) Walking on the street one day, a girl asked me if I knew where a certain shop was. I didn't know, so I looked it up on my phone while asking her questions about herself. I offered to walk her to the shop, she agreed. After more conversation, I got her number and that was that. By the way, that was a first for me and I was proud of myself!!

2) I was playing a game in a bar with my friend. We noticed some cute girls that were by themselves and asked if they wanted to join. They came over and after a while of fun conversation, I got the number of the one I was vibing more with. This tactic works well. About 100% of girls who've played a game with me in a bar have given me their number.

3) A restaurant hostess is a pretty tough shell to crack. In fact, any girl "on the job" is tough to tell if they like you or are working for tips. I took my chances on this one. I asked her about one of her accessories when I was about to be seated. This ice-breaker opened the door for some playful flirting every time she would walk by my table. So, on my way out of the restaurant, I spoke to her a little more and got her number. I have tried doing this with waitresses, but they pull the "Can I have your number instead?" trick....sometimes the "I have a boyfriend" one is popular too.

So, those are three examples of how I have done it. There are other possibilities too, like coffee shops, book stores, etc. The trick is to be yourself and don't have an agenda. Just talk, see if she is interested or not within the 30-60 second mark, and then ask for her number. You miss every shot you don't take.

Dating equals porking.....or does it?

I have found that the more I do the "serial dating" thing, the more I wonder, "Am I happy with this?" Well, it is definitely fun. Meeting new people and not having to be burdened by the "Where are you? Who are you with?" crap that some girlfriends do is a relief. However, I have admitted to some close friends that I am finding myself wanting ONE woman to devote ALL of my attention to. Yup, that's right. ONE WOMAN!!

Here is a little insight into the male psyche. Most men, not all, are horny motherfucking assholes. It comes from having a penis and testicles. Ejaculating is a bodily function no different than urinating. I am not lecturing here, but it is a fact that men have a buildup of fluid that MUST be released; whether by masturbating (with or without the help of porn, which some girls are threatened by, but is only the means to an end), or finding someone who will "help them out". Unfortunately, it is how men are hardwired, both mentally and physically. I know plenty of women who masturbate on a daily basis, but the drive is COMPLETELY different from that of a man. I'm not a woman, so I won't get into it, but I will say that the only purpose of ejaculation is to produce sperm or seed or jizz....whatever you want to call it. Men are obsessed with it because it is the life force. It is the flame for procreation.

I don't go out on dates thinking, "When do we get to fuck?" I go out to see if the chick is cool and if it leads to sex, then cool. I also admit that obviously I only ask out girls that I am attracted to, so yeah I think about banging them, but it isn't the first thing on my mind. You've seen my profile, I am in my early thirties and something changes in a man when he reaches these different decades of life. The twenties are the "let's fuck" years, the thirties are the "I'd like to find someone special" years, and forties are "oh fuck, I'm an old bastard" years. I had to throw that in, sorry.

I am dating a lot of women right now for a couple of reasons:

1. I need to relax and have fun for once. Just go with the flow and don't commit too quickly.
2. Dating more women will present more opportunities to find that special someone.
3. I like meeting all kinds of girls with this new method of dating and asking girls out. IT'S FUN & HEALTHY!
4. I'm a horndog. It's true.
5. This will come off bad, but I can't get serious unless I know what a girl is like in bed.

Let me expand on that last one. There are those guys and girls out there who want their first time to be on their wedding night. I'm not like that. I enjoy learning all about their sexuality while I am learning about their emotions and mind. It really is a whole package (for me anyways). With that said, I will point back to my previous post, The Thumb-Sucking Nympho. Even though she is great sexually, the girl is a mess emotionally and mentally. So I can't carry on a relationship with that. If I am really into a girl's mind and emotions, but the sex is so-so, I'd give it a serious chance. I'd communicate about what we can work on and I would listen to what she needs too. This comes from experience and my age as well. I have fucked up my share of relationships by not communicating or listening. We all have. Learning through mistakes is a part of life.

So what is this rant all about? Well, I just wanted to clear the air about what my motives are. Of course I want to find the one. Who doesn't? I don't want to be in my fifties and playing the field. (That reminds me of a part in the Wedding Singer) I am also in the moving process, so geographically, it would be difficult to commit to someone at this point. Once settled, I welcome a girlfriend who I can give all my attention to, but for now I am dating to see what I really am looking for in a woman. I have an idea, but does that exist? I'll hopefully find out.....sooner than later.

This also could be a case of "the grass is always greener", but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm leaving out the "sign off" for now until something good comes along. No need to embarrass myself.

The Thumb-Sucking Nympho

This girl is probably the most sexual woman I have ever met. The way we met was probably a first for me as well. Just walking down the street and we started talking. (I'll get into that in a later post about meeting girls)

So we set up a date and end up so we're sitting down in a secluded place with my arm around her. By the way, from the beginning of the date, her hands were all over me. So, my arm's around her and she takes my hand and asks, "Can I suck your thumb?" DAMN! Nobody has ever asked me that. So I said, "Sure!" And she proceeds to give my thumb an amazing blowjob!!! I mean this was HOT! Then we start making out for a while and eventually I start rubbing her chest a little, noticing that she's moaning a lot. So I look down and SHE'S MASTURBATING!!! Oh, did I mention this is the first date!!!

After a while, we end up in the car to take her home. I continue to rub her here and there, then all of a sudden she pulls her pants completely off!!! Of course I start touching her below the equator and she asks if she can suck her juices off of my fingers after I'm done!!! This girl is out of fucking control!!!! Well nothing else happened that night. I just walked her to her door and we kissed goodnight and that was that.

The next date, as I anticipated, was porno-style sex. It was probably the best head I have ever had in my life. This chick was deepthroating, tongue slapping, ball licking/sucking.....EVEN TAINT LICKING!!!! Jackpot with this one. The sex was good too for our first time, not awkward at all. The next date was pretty similar, except this time we tried more positions and she finished me off orally. She even swallowed without batting an eye. BRAVO! As a side note, it doesn't matter to me if the girl spits or swallows, but it IS a drag when they pull you out right before you come. But that's just me.

There is a problem though. As expected, this chick is NUTS!!! I would never have a serious relationship with her, just some fun. So, I probably will stop seeing her. The sex is great, but after a while, sex is just sex. Bet you'd never hear a guy say that, huh girls? There seems to be a hell of a lot of chaos in her life and as my friends know, I am a pretty relaxed individual with hardly any drama.

And if you're wondering, I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM!!!! Not just because of disease, but I don't need to worry about impregnating any body either. (What?! A responsible guy too?!)

Thus ends the tale of The Thumb-Sucking Nympho.

Tap ya later!

Cougar Attack!

I was out one night with a buddy of mine and a group of 3 cougars come into the bar. They sit at a booth and are sort of loud, like "look at us! Look at us!" They were cute for 40-somethings and in good shape too. Eventually they sat at the bar and I noticed that a guy was talking to one of them. The cougar was leaning away big time and the idiot didn't even notice. So, she got up to go to the bathroom and when she came out, she was looking all stealthy. She was right by our table, so I asked who she was hiding from and we told her that she could hang with us. Her friends came over and we were all talking and all of a sudden the stealthy cougar grabbed my face and we start making out right there!! I wasn't even buzzed yet either.

After a while, my buddy asked if we could go back to his place and chill. By this point, the third cougar had left. So the four of us go to his place and I start kissing the girl in his bedroom while my buddy and the other one were in the living room. My cougar strips ALL of her clothes off, but before I can get any of mine off, SHE PASSES OUT!!!! WTF???!!! I go out to tell my buddy, who was making out with the other one now, and we decided to let her sleep a bit. After two hours, she finally gets up and changes. We drive them home and that was that. I look back now and laugh, but I was PISSED!!!!

Oh!! This is the best part. Guess what time we dropped them off? 2am? 4am?

11pm AT NIGHT!!!! She passed out at 8:45p!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thus ends the tale of the Cougar.

Tap ya later!

The Fall-offs

Unfortunately, getting the number really isn't a big deal. Yeah, we think "Great! I got her number! Let's see where this goes." In reality, many of these turn into "fall-offs". Since beginning this journey, a lot of girls have given me their numbers. And yes, at first I was thinking that it was pretty awesome. However, I soon discovered that some of them didn't even turn into a first date! We would have a couple conversations on the phone and we'd set up a date, only to have them cancel the day of.

Now this doesn't always happen. We may have a date or two, with some heavy making out thrown in, and then it just evaporates. Usually with them not returning a call or text. The funny thing is that when one falls off, another one pops in. Kind of an "Even Steven" kind of thing. I can't explain it, but I have seemed to remain pretty consistent with having four women to date each week. This is just one of those strange occurrences. AND I'M NOT COMPLAINING!!!

Why is it that these girls just stop calling back?! At least "the Mad Scientist" was cool enough to be honest and tell me over the phone that she doesn't want to hang out anymore. Not calling back is fine and I get the message, but it is immature at the same time. And no, I don't keep calling and leaving messages. If they don't respond to a message, I move on. Simple and clean-cut.

Tap ya later!
(Not sure I'm digging this sign off. I liked some of the suggestions, but a three-word phrase would be best)

Be a man!

In an earlier post, I alluded to how men should act. Well, here is my rant on this:

Men and women, as we all know, are completely different from each other. Men are the hunters and women are the hunted (or prey). Now, as lame and obnoxious as that may sound, it actually is the way these two groups want to behave! Women RARELY seek out a guy they are interested in because they fear rejection more than taking a baseball bat up the ass! Guys on the other hand, are the ones left to seek out the girls. This is the way of life. As a girl I know once said: "You guys have it rough, always having to put yourself on the line for possible rejection."

Now here is the deal. In today's age of PUSSIFIED MEN, we find women wondering "where the hell are all of the REAL men out there?" There are plenty of real men out there, but I have found that most of them are scared to just TRY to talk to a female stranger. I was that pussified guy once upon a time. So guys, listen up! When you are out, just start talking. Fear is normal, fast heart rate is normal, shitting your pants is....well, get help if that happens. In time, you won't even think about it. You'll just do it. The fear will dissappear and all will be well. At this point, I don't even care if my buddies are around me when I ask a girl for her number. My point is: Women want to be sought after. They want a MAN to come in and be nice, gentlemanly and to BE IN CHARGE!!

This is a great example of what I am saying in this post. I am 4 for 4 with what I call "the first kiss move". This move always happens when we are cuddled up on the couch. My arm is around her, she's close, then I turn my head, bring up my other hand, turn her head and WHAMMO!! It ALWAYS works! Take charge of the situation. DON'T BE A CHICKEN SHIT!!!!!

Tap ya later!

The Mad Scientist

I met "Mad Scientist"(she really is a scientist) at a social function while playing a drinking game. Which, by the way, is a good way of meeting girls. Just play one of the games in a bar and ask a girl if she wants to play.

Back to the story. We start hitting it off and I get her number. The first date was a simple night in at her place. Nothing happened except for a nice goodnight kiss. Date #2 was a small night out, having drinks at a local place and ending with another nice make-out session. Then Date #3.....you know what they say guys (and girls) if the deal isn't sealed by date 3, she probably isn't into it, or she may want something more serious first. (Side note here: A girl knows if she wants to fuck you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you) The third date did indeed end with a home run, and it was very nice, not awkward or anything. We set up a fourth date, but she canceled just a few of hours before the date. That is never a good sign! So I call her a couple of days later and she says "you're a great guy, but it isn't gonna go anywhere for me". In my "previous life", this would have bothered me, but it didn't even phase me. I just told her that it's fine and I'm not offended and to take care. It actually made my job easier. I knew it was only for fun too, so it saved me the grief of telling her the "it's not you, it's me" bullshit. I do wish we had another go in the sack though. She was very "talented"....and a cool chick to have drinks with too.

Thus ends the tale of The Mad Scientist.

This is where I have just been saying "Stay tuned!", but a friend gave me shit for being so original. I'm open to suggestions. Maybe something like "Tap ya later!"?

Handjob Girl

One of the first girls that I "hung out" with, while using this new "method" of dating, was someone I lovingly will call "Handjob Girl". I asked her over for a nice home-cooked meal and movie on the couch for our first date. Simple enough....AND she's at my place. No need for the awkward "uh...wanna come in" crap. So anyway, we have dinner and watch a movie. Guys, listen up! When she's over to watch a movie, there is an unspoken green light that has occurred. She is probably really comfortable with you to be in your place, sitting right next to you in the late hours of the evening. This scenario will be touched on in a future post about men being men.

We're sitting there and I put my arm around her...without the pussy "I'll pretend to yawn" shit that losers do!!! We cuddle for about 10 minutes and then I move her head towards mine and plant one right on her. Now here is where she gets that wonderful nickname. After making out for a while, we head to my room and she gives me a great handjob. ON THE FIRST DATE! Not too bad. So, date number 2 seems promising, but guess what....another handjob. Date 3? Another handjob. Now don't get me wrong, handjobs are a beautiful thing and I love them, but when you get a handjob on the first date, that gives the impression that you'll be getting at least a blowjob on date 2. But hey, I'll be happy with the handjobs.

Now here is the weird part, when we both decided that it was fun, but not going anywhere (which I told her ON THE FIRST DATE that I am dating with no serious plans for a girlfriend), we got together one last time. Guess what happened. EVERYTHING EXCEPT A HANDJOB!!! WTF?! It was awesome, but why wait until I will never see you again to do it? Was it a last ditch effort to keep me around? Was it a parting gift? Well, it doesn't matter now.

Thus ends the tale of Handjob Girl.

Stay tuned!

Ex's

As many readers have probably experienced, ex-girlfriends seem to find their way back into your life...one way or another. I am of the belief that if you try to remain friends with an ex, it serves only one of two options:

1) They want you back.

2) You want them back.

And it rarely ends well.

So, why am I writing about this? Because two of my ex's came back into my life at the exact same time! And yes, I had sex with both of them, not at the same time, but within the same week....for about a month and a half!

In hindsight, I somewhat regret the situation because both option 1 and 2 were occurring. I wanted to just hang out with one of them, but she wanted to get back together. I still had strong feelings with the other one, but she wouldn't have it. By the way, there was no dating going on here. It was simply "want to see a movie?", "sure"...then 2 hours later, I'm doing her doggie-style. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy the amount of sex I was getting, but at what cost? I was hurting one girl on one hand and hurting myself with the other girl on the other.

How did I deal with it, you ask? Well, I came to the conclusion that it won't work out and I didn't want this drama in my life. So, I stopped all contact with the one that was causing me pain and I cooled things off with the other one. It was a tough choice. I loved hanging out with both of them, but I knew my overall attitude and "game" would suffer from this distraction. Remember, if you look back, you'll trip over what's ahead of you.

Well, I apologize if this post is all mushy and shit, but it is an important point to hit on in bachelorhood. We all have these types of scenarios pop up here and there and my only advice comes from learning the hard way.

CUT OFF ALL TIES TO EX'S AFTER THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER!!!! None of this "can we stay friends" horse shit!!

Stay tuned!

A chance occurrence 1

There are a few incidents that have happened simply by chance with no game involved at all. This is the first of a few of these "chance occurrences". I am trying to go as chronologically as possible with my experiences, so "A chance occurrence 2" will not be the next post.

This experience began as innocent as it can get. A group of my friends, guys and girls, were meeting up for some drinks around dinner time at a local restaurant. As things were winding down, I invited everyone over to my place to have more drinks since it was still pretty early. Well, everyone came over and I was talking to a couple of the girls that were hanging out. Eventually, people started to leave my place after a while, but one girl was not even attempting to get ready to go. She said she was in no state to drive, so being the gentleman that I am, I told her she could stay over on the couch. She retorted with "don't you want a warm body next to you in bed?" I DIDN'T EVEN TRY WITH THIS GIRL AND SHE IS READY TO GET DOWN!! So we end up in my bed and one thing leads to another and we finally get to sleep around 4am. HOME RUN!

These occurrences are few and far between, but it is always nice when they spring up. The trick seems to be recognizing when opportunity knocks.

Stay tuned!

A decent start

I have thought about how often I should add posts to this blog. Initially, I figured one post a day should be good, but I have a lot of stories to catch up on and I'd like to have it so the stories are posted immediately after happening. So I'll be adding posts whenever I feel like it. Deal with it!

When I first decided to try this new "method", I was very shocked at the outcome. I was working on a job that had some new faces and of course I gravitated towards the girl I was most attracted to. I started with something simple, like "have you lived in the area long" or something like that. Well, that turned into a nice lengthy conversation. Let me stop right here for a second to explain something. I used to ask out girls that I either went to school with or worked with, but now I have stopped doing the co-worker thing because, let's face it, DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT!!! So this was the last co-worker I ever asked out.

Back to the story. So, I get her number and after some playful texts, we decide to go out. Now because I was back in the dating scene after a 2 year relationship, I figure "I know, dinner would be good!" WRONG!!!!! Guys, stop with the dinner dates. THEY ARE BULLSHIT! Why waste money on a girl who probably will be done with you after the first date? I'll talk about my "new routine" for first dates in a later post. But I digress. We go out to dinner, nothing too fancy. Had some wine, walked around the little downtown area for a while, and that was it. No hug, no kiss, nothing. Nothing to really tell on this one.

I do have to admit, I was pretty nervous. My first real date in a long time and I really had no idea what I was doing. Well, I knew what I was doing, but I kinda didn't. Needless to say, it was a bust, but every cloud has a silver lining. It was the first time I met a girl, got her number and asked her out in a 24 hour period. This was just the tip of the iceberg, as you will find out.

Stay tuned!

Epiphany

So I ended my last relationship, which lasted 2 years, at the end of 2008 and I was ready to start playing the field at the beginning of 2009. However, it wasn't until I met a friend who opened my eyes with something so simple about dating it would completely turn my life around. Of course I was skeptical.

Basically, it is this:

1) If the girl is into you, you can't say anything wrong. (within common sense)
2) If the girl is not into you, you can't say anything right.

THE END

So, what does that mean? Simple. When I talk to a girl, I have to be extremely attentive to her body language, tone of voice, eye-contact and willingness to continue the conversation. This all has to click within the first 30-60 seconds for it to be 100% successful, but there are exceptions. So many times do I see guys in bars talking to girls that are almost falling over from leaning AWAY from the dude. That, my friends, is a huge sign that she isn't interested. Also, if you are talking to her and she looks away from you any chance she gets, guess what....she's done.

So how do I go about this "method"? I always start by noticing something about them: piercings, accessories, hairstyle...whatever. Anything to get them talking. Then I follow with a question about it, then another, and so on. By the way, short answers are bad because she is not engaging you.

So when does it seem suitable to go for the dreaded "can I have your number" line? Well, if she's been talking with you for OVER 5 minutes and none of the problems listed above have occurred, then you are made in the shade.

All of the above is exactly what my friend told me in the beginning of the year and now I am saying it here because I have lived it. AND IT ABSOLUTELY WORKS. In fact, my friend is now saying that he has "created a monster" and that he can't believe I had trouble in this area before. I take that as a compliment.

It's funny when I step back and assess the change in me. If someone were to come up to me a year ago and say, "Hey! In one year you will be going out with 4 different girls in one week", I would have laughed so hard I'd die. Well, that is EXACTLY what is happening!! In fact, it was at the suggestion of that friend that I started this blog because I have a new story to tell every time we talk.

Now that all of the "prologue" stuff is on the table, I will start with my exploits in the next post. Stay tuned!!

In the beginning...

The best place to start would be the beginning.

Here is a brief history of my previous dating experience, which I am sure will be similar to most guys out there. I used to only date girls I knew. For example, classmates were usually the girls that I would ask out, but only if I felt VERY comfortable that I wouldn't get rejected. Once I was dating these girls, it would be long-term relationship after long-term relationship. This was mostly due to the fact that I had very little self-esteem growing up. Because of this, I would feel lucky to have ANY girl interested in me. So this first post gives you an idea of how I used to go about dating in my "previous life". This all changed about six months ago. That will be detailed in the next post.

Now I would like to take a moment to lay some things out about this blog. I am sure you have looked at my profile and read who I am and all of that, but I will say that EVERY incident that will be chronicled here is 100% true. There will be NO EMBELLISHING at all. I am a straight-shooter in all aspects of my life and this blog will be no different.

It may offend some people. It may scratch a certain itch for others. All I am doing is blogging my experiences in dating. I am sure that the comments will be quite colorful and I wholeheartedly invite all of you to comment with any questions or "bitching" that you may throw my way.

And finally, the title of this blog was quite difficult to decide on, but I went with a title that is funny and intentionally offensive. This will let people know immediately what they are in for.

I hope this blog will enlighten those lost souls (as I once was) that are out there and also give a laugh or two to some of you as well. I will admit that there is a small part of me that hopes this blog WILL offend some of you too!!

So enjoy and stay tuned because I will have plenty of stories to tell...and most of them haven't even happened yet!!

Oh!! One last thing. This is NOT a "YOU TOO CAN ACHIEVE THIS" type of gimmicky blog. It is simply an anecdotal outlet of my dating exploits.