A few of my friends (guys) have pointed out to me that the way I am dating is NOT the norm. I have to agree. Usually, a person would date one person at a time until things run their course, then move on. Although I have nothing against this "normal" type of dating, there seems to be pros and cons for both dating techniques.
Dating one person at a time:
Pros:
1) Only one person in your life (intimacy)
2) A feeling of "being centered"
3) Focus of intent and outcome
Cons:
1) Only one person in your life. (yes, this could be considered a CON)
2) Might become serious sooner than you may want.
3) No backup plan
4) Attachment
Dating multiple people:
Pros:
1) Options on who to see and when
2) Less attachment if things don't work out
3) Variety
Cons:
1) Lack of intimacy ("just body parts rubbing together")
2) Unending feeling of urgency (I need more numbers)
Well, that is my point of view on it. I know that the multiple dating thing is not for everyone, but it serves its purpose until that "ONE" comes along. As stated in the last post, I'm only seeing one person at the moment. Unfortunately, I don't see it going anywhere serious. We have fun together, but that's about it. I'm going to have "the talk" with her about my thoughts on us dating because I think she is more into it than I am. I'll let you know how that goes.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Slump
As you may have guessed by the lack of entries, there is a bit of a slump happening. I'm only going out with one girl at the moment, but it seems that I haven't been able to close the number deal with the girls I talk to when I'm out. It hasn't really gotten to the point where I feel they're interested enough to warrant asking for their number. I've been able to do conversations, for the most part (some girls are just bitches), but I don't feel a reciprocation of interest on their part. To be honest, my mind has been elsewhere. I've been busy with the new place and also with trying to get some professional stuff moving ahead.
So, it is just a short period to get through. I also feel a little awkward when I go out solo still...out of my element without the wingman. Oh well. Things'll pick up; not just with the women, but with every other aspect of life for me.......I hope.
So, it is just a short period to get through. I also feel a little awkward when I go out solo still...out of my element without the wingman. Oh well. Things'll pick up; not just with the women, but with every other aspect of life for me.......I hope.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
First times
Well, the other night I slept with a new girl I'm seeing. And I have to say that in the past, the "first time" with someone always seemed scary and nerve-racking. However, I now find it fun and not awkward, as some people may feel.
This girl is a former co-worker of mine. We recently hung out and decided that we have fun together, so let's go out and hang sometime. We had a couple of low-stress dates that were quite relaxing. When it came time to do "the deed", I felt very comfortable and took my time with every little thing. This doesn't mean that I used to rush everything (I am a huge proponent of foreplay!!). Though, it does seem, sometimes, that the first time is just straight to the main attraction. I hate that!!!!
Anyhow, we both enjoyed each other and had a great time!!
This girl is a former co-worker of mine. We recently hung out and decided that we have fun together, so let's go out and hang sometime. We had a couple of low-stress dates that were quite relaxing. When it came time to do "the deed", I felt very comfortable and took my time with every little thing. This doesn't mean that I used to rush everything (I am a huge proponent of foreplay!!). Though, it does seem, sometimes, that the first time is just straight to the main attraction. I hate that!!!!
Anyhow, we both enjoyed each other and had a great time!!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Annoyances!
Being out to a few different types of places can sometimes open your eyes to those little things that annoy the FUCK out of you!!!
I am annoyed by the girls who go out with their friends and are bitchy to anyone who just says hi or asks them a question. For example, I was out one night, sitting at a bar, when a girl came up and ordered a drink with Red Bull or some shit in it. I ask her, "What drink has Red Bull in it?" and she gave a very short "It has vodka too" response. Fine, no sweat off my balls, but why be out at a place that has tons of people in it, when you are going to be all cunty to any "stranger" who says something to you. That is only one annoyance.
Another is the idiot college guys who are too loud and dopey. Case in point: Another time I was out, this douchebag, who reminded me of Spiccoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, was all loud and bumbling around like a fool. IDIOT!!!
One last one is the girls who act all shy when you talk to her. My friend and I met this group of girls in a bar, we danced a little, and then when I started talking to the one that I was into, she acts all shy and shit!!! What a shitload of fuck!!! Is this not the same girl who we were dancing with five minutes ago???!!!
THese annoyance are out of my control and I have learned to just roll with them, but they still suck when I come across them. These will always be present, but don't let them distract you.
I am annoyed by the girls who go out with their friends and are bitchy to anyone who just says hi or asks them a question. For example, I was out one night, sitting at a bar, when a girl came up and ordered a drink with Red Bull or some shit in it. I ask her, "What drink has Red Bull in it?" and she gave a very short "It has vodka too" response. Fine, no sweat off my balls, but why be out at a place that has tons of people in it, when you are going to be all cunty to any "stranger" who says something to you. That is only one annoyance.
Another is the idiot college guys who are too loud and dopey. Case in point: Another time I was out, this douchebag, who reminded me of Spiccoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, was all loud and bumbling around like a fool. IDIOT!!!
One last one is the girls who act all shy when you talk to her. My friend and I met this group of girls in a bar, we danced a little, and then when I started talking to the one that I was into, she acts all shy and shit!!! What a shitload of fuck!!! Is this not the same girl who we were dancing with five minutes ago???!!!
THese annoyance are out of my control and I have learned to just roll with them, but they still suck when I come across them. These will always be present, but don't let them distract you.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Hit & Miss
I wish I could tell you that every time I go out on the town, I get a number. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Take last night for example. I am living in a new area now and I am feeling a little out of my element. Not really, but things are different enough to cause a slight disruption. That coupled with the fact that I don't have a wingman to go out with. Enough with excuses already!!
Okay, so I go out last night and just walked in and out of a few bars along a strip until I found one to my liking. I parked myself at the bar, ordered a drink and enjoyed the atmosphere. (by the way, I was flying solo) The good thing about sitting at the bar is that everyone who wants a drink has to go to the bar to get it, so all kinds of people will be next to you at one time or another. Nothing came of it though. I had a few nice interactions, but everyone seemed to be there for other reasons like birthdays, going-away parties, etc. This is a tough thing when you're out looking to meet someone because even if you are, they aren't. However, everyone is friendly and enjoyed the chit-chat that resulted, but I could tell that there was no interest on their part. No problem, it happens.
The important thing is to practice starting a conversation with strangers, men and women. This will get you into a simple routine of saying hi and going with the flow. Some people aren't receptive, but the majority are. When it comes down to it, everyone just wants to have a good time (unless they are assholes).
So, my first night out in a new city was fun, but only warranted some good practice. Let's see what the tide brings in next.
Okay, so I go out last night and just walked in and out of a few bars along a strip until I found one to my liking. I parked myself at the bar, ordered a drink and enjoyed the atmosphere. (by the way, I was flying solo) The good thing about sitting at the bar is that everyone who wants a drink has to go to the bar to get it, so all kinds of people will be next to you at one time or another. Nothing came of it though. I had a few nice interactions, but everyone seemed to be there for other reasons like birthdays, going-away parties, etc. This is a tough thing when you're out looking to meet someone because even if you are, they aren't. However, everyone is friendly and enjoyed the chit-chat that resulted, but I could tell that there was no interest on their part. No problem, it happens.
The important thing is to practice starting a conversation with strangers, men and women. This will get you into a simple routine of saying hi and going with the flow. Some people aren't receptive, but the majority are. When it comes down to it, everyone just wants to have a good time (unless they are assholes).
So, my first night out in a new city was fun, but only warranted some good practice. Let's see what the tide brings in next.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
First Dates
First dates can be nerve racking for both men and women, but it doesn't have to be. When I started this new dating lifestyle, I was so caught up with what I should do on a first date that it became a distraction from the girl I would be going out with. So, here are some successes that I have had with my first dates:
1) Go down to the beach at night and walk around a little, maybe have a drink or two, and walk on the sand. I have done this a few times and it is a nice relaxed date with plenty of conversation.
2) Go to an event like a ballgame or street fair. This would depend if the girl is into that specific sport, but the street fair is pretty easy to do as well. There are a lot of activities going on just in case conversation might be awkward. By the way, if things are awkward, it probably won't move past that first date anyway.
3) If she is really comfortable, have a nice night in. Wine with some dessert or snacks and a movie at home can also be a good one too.
These are three examples of successful first dates that I have had recently. There is one thing to note here. My friends ask me how I don't blow a lot of money with all of the dating I do. Well, it's simple. With the exception of the ballgame, things can be very affordable. Now I am no cheapskate, but my philosophy is that you don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time. In fact, spending too much will seem like you're trying too hard.
1) Go down to the beach at night and walk around a little, maybe have a drink or two, and walk on the sand. I have done this a few times and it is a nice relaxed date with plenty of conversation.
2) Go to an event like a ballgame or street fair. This would depend if the girl is into that specific sport, but the street fair is pretty easy to do as well. There are a lot of activities going on just in case conversation might be awkward. By the way, if things are awkward, it probably won't move past that first date anyway.
3) If she is really comfortable, have a nice night in. Wine with some dessert or snacks and a movie at home can also be a good one too.
These are three examples of successful first dates that I have had recently. There is one thing to note here. My friends ask me how I don't blow a lot of money with all of the dating I do. Well, it's simple. With the exception of the ballgame, things can be very affordable. Now I am no cheapskate, but my philosophy is that you don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time. In fact, spending too much will seem like you're trying too hard.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Anytime, Anywhere
A lot of my friends ask how I meet the girls I date. Well, there is no one answer to that question. It can happen anytime, anywhere. Here are a few examples:
1) Walking on the street one day, a girl asked me if I knew where a certain shop was. I didn't know, so I looked it up on my phone while asking her questions about herself. I offered to walk her to the shop, she agreed. After more conversation, I got her number and that was that. By the way, that was a first for me and I was proud of myself!!
2) I was playing a game in a bar with my friend. We noticed some cute girls that were by themselves and asked if they wanted to join. They came over and after a while of fun conversation, I got the number of the one I was vibing more with. This tactic works well. About 100% of girls who've played a game with me in a bar have given me their number.
3) A restaurant hostess is a pretty tough shell to crack. In fact, any girl "on the job" is tough to tell if they like you or are working for tips. I took my chances on this one. I asked her about one of her accessories when I was about to be seated. This ice-breaker opened the door for some playful flirting every time she would walk by my table. So, on my way out of the restaurant, I spoke to her a little more and got her number. I have tried doing this with waitresses, but they pull the "Can I have your number instead?" trick....sometimes the "I have a boyfriend" one is popular too.
So, those are three examples of how I have done it. There are other possibilities too, like coffee shops, book stores, etc. The trick is to be yourself and don't have an agenda. Just talk, see if she is interested or not within the 30-60 second mark, and then ask for her number. You miss every shot you don't take.
1) Walking on the street one day, a girl asked me if I knew where a certain shop was. I didn't know, so I looked it up on my phone while asking her questions about herself. I offered to walk her to the shop, she agreed. After more conversation, I got her number and that was that. By the way, that was a first for me and I was proud of myself!!
2) I was playing a game in a bar with my friend. We noticed some cute girls that were by themselves and asked if they wanted to join. They came over and after a while of fun conversation, I got the number of the one I was vibing more with. This tactic works well. About 100% of girls who've played a game with me in a bar have given me their number.
3) A restaurant hostess is a pretty tough shell to crack. In fact, any girl "on the job" is tough to tell if they like you or are working for tips. I took my chances on this one. I asked her about one of her accessories when I was about to be seated. This ice-breaker opened the door for some playful flirting every time she would walk by my table. So, on my way out of the restaurant, I spoke to her a little more and got her number. I have tried doing this with waitresses, but they pull the "Can I have your number instead?" trick....sometimes the "I have a boyfriend" one is popular too.
So, those are three examples of how I have done it. There are other possibilities too, like coffee shops, book stores, etc. The trick is to be yourself and don't have an agenda. Just talk, see if she is interested or not within the 30-60 second mark, and then ask for her number. You miss every shot you don't take.
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